I lost my tempo. Got lost, in place where I’ve been recently
but still never know the way to get out.
In a place called mind.
My mind has many branches. At the same time, it could
think about how I love God and the other branch thinks how I hate life. At the
same time, feel like I am blessed but the other feels I am dying. Think I’m
pretty and the other side think I’m ugly. Happy but sad. Full but empty.
My mind manipulates everything, a lot, almost every time. It
makes you feel like you are hated by everyone just because a person criticizes
you. It makes you feel nowhere in this world you’re belong just because you
don’t fit well in a community. It makes you feel guilty even you’re not doing
something wrong. Hopeless when you have many choices. Pity when you have
everything you need.
My mind makes me feel empty when I have everything I need in
life. It makes me think I’m worthless while in fact I'm not. It makes me feel I’m too complicated to be loved when everybody loves me, and makes me feel lonely even when I’m
surrounded by people.
I can’t control my mind anymore. It’s not my mind in me, but
it’s me in my mind. I can’t get out, I have no pace. Always pick the wrong way
so that I got a little further. And now, even trying feels so tiring.
I scream for help in silence and no one is care enough to
hear. I raise my hand in darkness and no one is sensitive enough to see. And
finally, my mind is laughing at me. It told me no one can save me, forever will
I feel this way.
So I stop trying. I'm letting myself being controlled by it. I stop seeking help. Hope is not within me anymore.
I’m drowning, deeper and deeper, in a place called mind.
