I got a name for my happiness.
They called it as depression at first for the emptiness, loneliness, and all negative emotions I felt towards myself. Then they realized, it’s not about only depression.
They realized I know nothing about grey; I only know black or white. I don’t know what middle is; I only know low or high. I can’t stand on the words “enough”; I only accept best or worst. I don’t understand what normal is; I only felt extreme happiness or extreme sadness.
I now got a name for my happiness. They named it as manic episodes. And I don’t know which one’s better: being diagnosed only for my negative emotions, or being diagnosed for both negative and positive emotions.
Every happiness leads me to sadness, and I start to questioning myself whenever I feel happy. Is this real? Or is this just an episode of my illness? Will this happiness last? Or is it just an abnormal, extreme, reaction caused by my mental condition?
But life is what it is. You can’t choose your mental condition just the same as you can’t choose in which family you were born. All you can do is not allowing those conditions define who you are, or even define your future. We were all born as fighters, as survivors, and eventually we will be okay.
