from a daughter to her father

She came to our house, using her heels and asked me where you were. I asked did she have any business with you, and she said it’s about church stuffs. She came into our lives, and I heard you’re joking with our neighbor about how attractive she is. I saw how active you are now to go to our church’s events. I saw how glad you are now when there are choir practices. I saw how flirting you are whenever she’s around.

I watched every single expressions you made when your phone was on your hand. I used to know about everybody you were chatting with. I used to know about what did you do with your phone. Nothing to hide, no secrets. But now? You deleted all her chats before you went home. You changed her name in your contact, which made me laugh at how stupid you are to think that it worked. She called you every time you’re in office, she called you whenever mom was not around. She tried to build conversation with me and brother, without knowing that my brother and I know what she did with you behind us. She’s pretty kind as a neighbor, and I know she’s beautiful yet so cheerful. Just not like mom who has a fickle heart and heaviness in her head. She set my photo as her profile picture while my mom never did that. I know mom is not a good wife, nor a good mom, mom’s totally far away from that. She has everything that mom doesn't. But could she replace your 22 years wife?

I am 18 years old now, on my way to 19. I always got the first to third rank at school. I am one of scholarship students in university. And yet you think I was naïve enough to believe you both just friend.

And you will never know. You will never understand how damaging it is for a daughter who’s having major trust issues. Not in million years I thought you could be this selfish. The emotional pain and resentment I feel towards you are real. I used to think that you’re the kindest man alive, mom is the one who supposed to be lucky for having you. I used to think that one day, I wanna have a husband like you. You were the one I trust the most, you understand every piece of me, you always saved me from mom’s anger.  You used to be my hero. But who knows, it’s all turned to you’d be the one who make me afraid of marriage, beside mom. And it all comes to this: none of the living could be trusted. Not your family, not your close friends, or not even yourself.

It surprised me for real that I still could feel angry for you. You should thank God I still feel those feelings for you. I once thought I am okay with that, but the wound is not completely healed. I hate the way you try to build conversation with me now, because not in a second I could see your face without thinking about your infidelity. All I wanna do now is walk away from you, because one side you look so happy than you ever was with mom, but your happiness tortures me. I will act like I know nothing, but forgive me if I become someone else. I'm no longer your little princess.

You’ve made your choice, so I get to make mine now.


Sincerely,

Your daughter